Still Waiting

Waiting.
I believe that waiting demands patience. It demands the surrender of control. To me waiting can sometimes be like time spent while a jury deliberates your freedom. Waiting to recover from an illness. Other times, waiting can be the time in between seasons, with each new one bringing its special characteristics and activities. We can't control the seasons, each is uniquely and wondrously made. As we grow we accept each within their own awaking, maturing and death.

Spring- new life found in all of creation, Resurrection, the promise of eternal salvation, Easter egg hunts, children in crisp pastel dresses like decorated cupcakes, new hope, a new baptism candle, and all of it a glimpse of Heaven.

Summer- hot especially in New Mexico. Longer days the sun doesn't surrender it's throne until past eight in the evening. Celebrations, cook outs, cooling off in the pool, enjoying the refrigerated air of a shopping center upon departing a car who's air conditioner requires more freon. There are fireworks, and ice cream, and re-runs of the programs you missed in the fall because you were so busy with real stuff.

Fall- my personal favorite because of all the gifts this season brings. Brand new school supplies where brand new ideas and learning can be transcribed. Pumpkin pie with whipped cream, scary and very sweet costumes, the availability of much too much candy hidden away where only the grown ups have access; there is the turkey feast where we come together to share our excess food in thanksgiving for our excess belongings. The colors in nature are an amazing transformation of warmth as those all of nature is snuggling in one last time in their clothes prior to exposing all when finally the leaves must die and fall. I love the fall, not only because my birthday is in September, but because I see in God's creation a grace in preparing to die. It comforts me, it always has because, so much life is raked up and mulched or placed in bags and it reminds me that we are all here like these seasons; each with it's own time for the showcase each with it's time to pass, awaiting the following year. No one season overstaying it's visit, but graciously departing with class, like a lady or gentleman knowing the precise moment to leave a gathering.

Winter- is truly about waiting. Everything living lies dormant under the earth. Above the ground, cold, sometimes snow. The trees bare. Too cold to venture out too far from the warmth of friends and family. In that stillness, we busy ourselves to the point of silliness for Christmas. We give those we love gifts to celebrate the greatest gift given to mankind. Fires in the hearths, remind us that soon warmth will come. In the quiet of nature's pregnancy lies a promise, that once again each season will present itself. Each unique and glorious. And we know that in just a few months the winds will kick up all the pollen and new flowers and blossoms will come forthCan there be a freedom associated with waiting?

Only if I were truly resolved to accept with grace any decision I am handed. Like the seasons. Each one symbolizing a time of my life that has passed too soon. Did I really enjoy the spring of my life. Yes. Yes, Lord I did. Thank you for the parents that I had that worked so hard to ensure that my childhood would be fun and yet disciplined. Thank you that my innocence was guarded and protected by these two people. That I never had to worry about food or where I was going to sleep. Thank you that I knew that I was loved. I praise you for my grandmother in who's body I climbed into for comfort and saw in her eyes my first example of unconditional love.

Thank you for finding my first and only love. Thank you for his heart of perseverance while I grew up as a wife and mother.

For my daughters, I really can't begin to express my gratitude for these women. They teach me each day what motherhood is by their amazing example of love and patience.

Have I been hanging on to Spring too long? Have the wrinkles on my face like the crisp leaves ushered in the fall of my life? Has the snow on the roof of my head which I diligently cover with color and some terrific high lights alerted me to the fact that winter has indeed arrived, and it now time to prepare for the quiet sleeping of eternal life until the resurrection?

I'm waiting.