Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Forgiveness

For years since I've had the memory of Good Friday; I remember that our Lord asked, as he suffered an unspeakable and barbaric death: "Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing." This morning I awoke to this scene, finding myself in the midst of "them".

Truly, "them" always meant the roman soldiers who carried out the sentence. "Them" were the Jewish people who demanded his death, when Jesus didn't meet their expectation of the "Savior" they were expecting; "them" were the hierarchy of Judaism who suspected and mistrusted HIM.

This morning I found myself in the midst of these people. And I'm at the foot of the cross, in with the crowd that stood by as the Son of God gave His Life in exchange for mine. I stood there generations previous to mine, defying time and logic and finally experiencing the knowledge of complete and unmerited mercy.

"Forgive Lou Ann for she doesn't know what she was doing." Forgive her sin, forgive her selfishness, forgive her greed, forgive her inability to share with the poor, forgive her pride, forgive her vanity, forgive that she broken every Commandment; forgive that she never cared to know how I would see her heart if she had indeed died on the Highway in Silver City months ago. Forgive that alcohol has always been more important to her than My grace. Forgive that she never asks my will for her life, and when I ask her to do something for Me, she does it but not with her whole heart. Forgive that she has gone through the motions of her faith without truly giving everything to Me. Forgive that she has not ask Me first before making a decision. Forgive that she usually does everything her way, not Mine. Forgive that she spends very little time in prayer, often hurrying through the scriptures, the rosary, the prayers I've asked her to say. Forgive that she never offers fasting or sacrifice and prayer for the salvation of souls. Forgive that she doesn't speak to everyone she meets about the love I have for souls. Forgive that she reads during her visits to the Blessed Sacrament and refuses to silence her soul so that I can speak. And Father, not only forgive her... Father, please forget all her sins.

How did I find myself at Calvary? I asked Mary to take me there on November 13, 2007.
O Mary, my Mother and my gracious Lady,
I offer you my soul, my body, my life and death,
all that will come after it.
I place everything in Your hands.
O my Mother, cover my souls with your virginal mantle
and grant me the grace of purity of heart, soul and body.
Defend me with Your power against all enemies,
especially against those who hide their malice behind the mask of virtue. Fortify my souls that pain may not break it.
Mother of Grace, teach me to live by God's power.
(Diary 315)
Thank you, fair Lady and Gentle Mother!

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I want my God, to love you face to face.